Still him..

Going back to our past is the hardest part. Awhile ago I have decided read our exchange emails since 2009 it was mixed emotions and unanswered questions stills lingering on my mind... "what if we didn't parted our ways?"

Being apart more than a year now made me strong enough to face the reality and accepted the fact that even though i wanted to forget him it will still came out that "it's still him" i wanted to grow old with not because of selfishness but it's because of this unconditional love of mine. Now i'm still loving him without showing it because As I've promised to him that I will just keep this feeling of mine until in the end... He's still included with my everyday prayers asking god to keep him safe and hoping that he'll be happy with his life... seeing him happy made me feel that I'm a better person for the reason of letting him go. ALL THE BEST is all i ever wanted for him.

Living my everyday life without him develops me on where i am right now!!! I never thought i could come this far because i thought that i could never live a life without him... I always wanted to make him proud of me and i hope he is...

My life is much better now....

In the past years I've been through a lot of experiences in life... I admit i made some mistakes but it helps me to discover my capabilities, It is true that we should learn from our own mistakes !!! Having my life away from my husband thought me a lot of things as we see each other now that we've grown already in such a different way I am contented seeing him happy with his life. I never regret the day i let him go because I've also learned to love myself more.

Being single for a year now never made me feel that I'm alone because i still have our precious one! Our daughter!

Now I'm focusing my attention with my daughter to made her feel that our family is not broken i keep on telling her that even though her dad and I are not together it doesn't mean that our family is already broken. She has still someone to called mom and dad every time she needed us!

my life

I'm just a simple woman who wanted to have a family... I came from a broken family thats why i told myself that if ever i will my own family i will do everything to keep us together but i didn't work. I was 22 years old when i got pregnant with this guy I'm not pretty sure of him because we're only 4 months in the relationship when i got pregnant he advice me to abort the child but i didn't pursue instead i ask hi for a break up and continue my pregnancy but he told me that he really love and he cannot leave me with the situation that i am having.... So we decide to leave together and after i gave birth he ask me to marry him and i say yes !!! I became a plain housewife and just taking good care of him and our child, I've noticed that he didn't declare that he is married and he had a child already in his office but i refuse to confront him, Its about july of 2004 when we decided to move on her mother's house so we can save money and i can also work March of 2005 i caught him having an affair with his officemate i confront the girl and she told me that she does not know that my husband is married already... at that time i almost gave up already and ask my husband to choose between me and the girl but he asked for a 2nd chance and telling me that he don't know how to live without us as a wife i gave him this chance, after few weeks i caught him again having an affair with another girl again he told me that its just a fling and the girl is the one flirting at him so i decide to give him again a chance but i found out that he had sexual intercourse with this girl and affected him a STD which is also transmitted to me... I just cried and cried asking why he needs to do this to me. I got myself medicated and treated by my ob gym I asked him for separation at this time but then he cried and asking again for a chance for the reason that i cannot support our child financially i decide to still stay despite of whats happening to us. Dec 2005 i got pregnant for the 2nd time but he told me that he cannot support the child so he bought this medicine and had aborted the child it's christmas day when it happen My God what can i do i have nothing with me even a single cent so cannot leave this guy. June of 2006 we decide to move makati rent an apartment for a yr . I thought it was the end of all my sacrifices and i thought that he had changed already and decided to be a family man. We move to las pinas feb of 2007 and i decide to work I knew that this girl his ex gf which is his 1st other woman and his office is keep on sending sms on him and asking him to go out during weekend and asking him that if she can ride in our car on the way to their office i ask my husband about it and he explained to me that she was just a friend and he need to be nice to her because they were team mates so i tried to understand it and let their so called friendship goes almost everyday they were together going to office texting each other having coffee going night out with their friend going outings. But i didn't mind them he keeps on explaining that they were just friend and going out with common friends. Aug of 2008 i noticed that he is so cold with me i thought that it is just one of his mood swings. He left for canada Mid of August and i noticed again through his ym logs that he is flirting with someone else his another co worker again i talked to the girl she told me that they were just friends my husband told her the he don't have feelings with me for a long period of time which is i already knew it !!! I ask my husband that if he really don't love me anymore he should let me go so we can both move on but he ask me that we'll try again to work things out for us and for our daughter and stayed being friends in one house . I don't know how many chances i've given him already But i still for the sake of our child and for our family.... He came home dec 2008 from canada i sticked with our open relationship and still hoping the he will love me again but it didn't happened he continue going out with his friends and not spending time with us..The girl is always calling him asking him to go out and have coffee having car wash together etc etc... june 2009 I keep on asking my husband because i already have an intuition that something is going on.... but he keeps on denying it until we often had an arguments because of this girl.... eileen eileen eileen thats her name even father's day we have our surprise with him but it didn't push through because of her they were together !!! Even his birthday he had chosen to be with his friends rather than celebrating it with his own family.... I'm always asking myself that should i get old with this kind of person who doesn't even think how i feel who doesn't treat me as his own partner? Well he decided to leave us Nov of 2009 and he rented his own house beside the subdivision where we are leaving Jan 2o1o we still having intercourse cause i guess as a wife its my responsibility.... Feb 2010 I'm asking him if we could work things out again for us because i really love him but he dumped me and telling that i don't love you anymore we're just married through papers only i'm not your husband anymore... I'm asking him if he has a girlfriend already and he told me he will let me know and introduce the girl if he is serious already and telling eileen is not the serious ones he'll just try to have a relationship with this girl because after they broke up 6 yrs ago the girl didn't had other relationship with other guy. I saw their pictures at FB and I even send them email that hope eileen will take good care of him and they will stay happy together. I think it's time for me to give up and just focus with my daughter's future and think of the ways that will make us happy even without her dad... I'm just hoping that nesty will continue being father to our child until she grows up... I not ashamed to write my life story I'm just a woman who fall in love with the guy so dearly and wished to have a family of her own. But I think i'm not lucky with it !!! Now I'm starting a new life and trying to move on.... I'm just thinking of some positives ways and thanking GOD for giving me the strength to face all of these and I know I'm still young and still have chance to continue good life... THIS IS MY LIFE ; ) now signing off

my married life

I got married almost 6 years ago, on our 1st of marriage it was sinking relationship he told me he don't feel anything for me anymore and suddenly i caught him having an affair with someone else it was with his offciemate and other one with his textmate. I've decided to end the relationship and he told me to give him second chance and fix our relationship so i did. it's been four years ago.. These past few months before he left for canada for a business trip i've felt his coldness again and it seems that he don't care and give importance to our relationship.... He admitted it via email that our relationship is nit normal anymore and he told me it was really unfair on myside... Now i'm just waiting for him to go home and we will talk about his plans.